There was so much pain in his voice, it made me want to squeeze my arms around him tighter and hold on forever. He found his mistakes unforgivable, but they didn't really matter to me. It wasn't like I was going to stop being his friend because of them. He was home now, he was trying to make it right. He showed remorse for his actions. That was the thing about Quinton, he never showed remorse. Not once for hurting me. Ben cared so much. It was an amazing quality to find in a man and my heart suddenly ached in longing. Breathing became difficult and a giant lump lodged itself in my throat. I realized how much I cared for this man, how much I wished I'd met him before Quinton, how much I wished he could be the father of my baby.
It was a scary, terrifying thought.
One that left me breathless.
One I only let myself think about for a fleeting second before I shoved it from my mind. Because a wish like that was unrealistic and pointless and something that would never come true.
So why waste even a single moment thinking it?
“We all make stupid mistakes sometimes. That’s part of being human,” I said, in some attempt to comfort him. I wasn't just talking about his mistakes either. The words I'm not Lilly Davenport were on the tip of my tongue. It suddenly felt like the right moment to tell him the truth about me. Except, he let his grip of my legs go.
My body slipped down his back and my toes hit sand.
“The buzz I had going is wearing off,” he said as he took a step away from me. In the moonlight, I could see his face well enough to see that it had hardened. He’d dropped his guard with me for a moment, but his walls were back up now and seemingly more fortified than ever. “And I’m not really supposed to leave the house after eight. So…”
I understood. He wanted to say goodbye now.
I didn’t though. I wanted more from him. Which was completely wrong of me. I realized how sweet Ben was. And attractive. Suddenly exactly my kind of attractive. And how completely off limits he was.
Wow, life sure had a way of kicking you in the gut when you were down. On top of being pregnant, broke, scared, and alone—I now had feelings for a guy I couldn’t have.
Thank you, irony.
“Goodnight, Ben,” I muttered. I moved swiftly, standing on my tip-toes, leaning in to give him a quick kiss on the cheek before pulling away. I left him, jogging up the beach in the direction of the Davenport’s house. I didn’t look back as I went inside.